Bremain

By Isaac Loose, England

The year is 2025, it is 9 years to the day since we chose to follow our glorious leader Boris as he waddled out of the EU. All former ties with the USA have been completely severed; despite his former promises of Britain not being at the back of any lines for trade president Trump has dismissed us, labeling us as “Insignificant” and “Small.” Although we have lost western support, happily, our Bond with the east has never been stronger, pictures of Boris Johnson sharing borscht with Putin are commonplace amongst the pages of many a paper.

Contrary to any previous thoughts that leaving the EU might decrease Britain’s population, we are faced with a tsunami of British expats, who previously resided in Europe. To make matters worse, the 3.5 million jobs dependent on the EU have evaporated, manufacturing being hit the hardest as a consequence of foreign car companies. These two effects combined create a nasty recipe for unemployment rates soaring sky high.

To seek refuge from the chaos and misery of post Brexit Britain one can still pass a lovely holiday in sunny Spain, or perhaps the ripe vineyards of Italy right? I’m afraid not. Because of higher airfares, a weaker pound and higher mobile phone roaming charges any voyages to exotic European destinations are hell on the traveller’s wallet, the cost of a family summer vacation abroad rocketing upwards by around 230 pounds.

Think your safe to watch your favorite premiere league team after a long hard day of work (if you’re lucky enough to have a job)? Brexit has tampered with this as well. Boris Johnson booting any European players or manager out of our country. Now we’re left with Britain’s best efforts, who while still very good, are not really to the same caliber as the flavorful Italians or precise Germans.

One might turn to alcoholism possibly and drink their Brexit woes away, or at least could if it were not for the cost of importing foreign wines 33 percent increase. In fact all foreign goods have been augmented in price. A car bought over seas for example has become 10 percent more expensive than before.

This is a bleak ugly future, don’t let it happen, don’t leave the EU.